Busted

James L. McClinton, Ph.D. The “wurst” story of the day… US Border agents caught a vehicle carrying 194 pounds of contraband Mexican bologna into the US at the New Mexico border, Customs and Border Protection announced. Agents stopped a Nissan SUV at the Columbus border crossing; searched the vehicle; and found 22 large, red packaged rolls in the trunk and some “hidden” in the driver’s luggage. The agency says “bologna is a prohibited product because it is made from pork…

REAL STORIES OF GENUINE ABSURDITY JAMES L. MCCLINTON, PH.D. Oh, the weather outside is frightful and Santa’s carrying his patrol rifle… In Riverside, California, three men allegedly tried to steal a car at the local mall during a police undercover operation. “Two of the men saw the detective and ran off,” said a police spokesman. As officers swooped in, one yelled, “Get him, Santa!” Sure enough, St. Nick came running and tackled one of the suspects, backed up by a…

Real Stories of Genuine Absurdity James L. McClinton, Ph.D. I can’t see that marriage lasting… In Antwerp, Belgium, a 24-year-old convicted drug smuggler hired a helicopter at Deurne airport, then hijacked the aircraft in mid-flight and forced the pilot to fly to Berkendaal women’s prison to free his 27-year-old wife. As inmates cheered and waved below, the pilot circled the prison yard, trying unsuccessfully to land, while the hijacker put his head out of the chopper to vomit, before giving…

JAMES L. MCCLINTON, PH.D. In case you were wondering what kinds of idiots want to defund the police… In Illinois, a Virgil man contacted the Kane County Sheriff’s Office to let them know that his “DEFUND THE POLICE” sign had been stolen from his front yard where it was posted. Deputies diligently applied their detective skills in locating the culprit and the stolen sign. Witnesses gave them enough clues to wrap up the case in short order and the man…

James L. McClinton, Ph.D. So, how’d you two meet? Well, we just ran into each other on the street one day… After police received a report of a stolen Toyota® Land Cruiser, they quickly spotted the vehicle as it drove through downtown Newberg, Oregon. As the 27-year-old driver fled from police in the ensuing pursuit, speeding through the city streets, the Land Cruiser plowed into a Buick Regal which was being driven by a 25-year-old Newberg woman. Investigators quickly discovered…

James L. McClinton What happened to the “no shirt, no shoes, no service” rule?… In Modesto, California, Webcam footage from a Cherokee Freight Lines tanker truck showed a vehicle pulling in front of the big rig. The driver, who had his hazard flashers on, directed the truck driver to pull over. The trucker then stopped, thinking he might have a mechanical problem. The incident then took on a bizarre twist. Wearing nothing more than his underwear, the driver of the…

James L. McClinton “How I met your father”… A young man in North Attleboro, Massachusetts, met a woman via a dating app and arranged a date. For their first encounter, he asked the fair maiden to pick him up at his parents’ house. That struck her as being a little odd, but she agreed to his request. The man then drank wine in the passenger’s seat while she drove around town. When they approached a bank, he asked her to…

James L. McClinton, Ph.D Almost as popular as “I’ve only had two beers”… In Ohio, the Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office issued a serious warning to residents: “Prior to wearing someone else’s pants,” it stated in a Public Service Announcement posted to Facebook, “please remove all drugs, drug paraphernalia, stolen property, or any other illegal items the ‘owner’ of the pants may have left behind.” That’s because, they continued, “ ‘these are not my pants’ is not an affirmative defense” to…

James L. McClinton, Ph.D. Maybe he should change his phone number to 867-5309… In California, a man came up with a brilliant idea to hide his car from license plate readers and ticketing systems: registering the vanity license plate “NULL.” He hoped his NULL license plates would make it impossible for cops to give him a ticket, since they wouldn’t be able to enter the ticket into their system. His plan worked all too well. It caused a citation processing…

James L. McClinton, Ph.D. “Dude, you can’t outrun the Batmobile”… A man in Burtonsville, Maryland, drives a highly recognized vehicle: a custom-built 1966 replica of the Batmobile, complete with rocket launchers, jet flames and a bat phone. When a hit-and-run driver smashed into his prized car on Route 28, he wasn’t about to let the driver make a getaway. “I don’t know what the guy was thinking,” he told a TV reporter. “He must have been going about 60…and just…