James L. McClinton, Ph.D.
So, how’d you two meet? Well, we just ran into each other on the street one day… After police received a report of a stolen Toyota® Land Cruiser, they quickly spotted the vehicle as it drove through downtown Newberg, Oregon. As the 27-year-old driver fled from police in the ensuing pursuit, speeding through the city streets, the Land Cruiser plowed into a Buick Regal which was being driven by a 25-year-old Newberg woman. Investigators quickly discovered that the Toyota Land Cruiser and the Buick Regal had both been stolen. The male driver was arrested on suspicion of unauthorized use of a motor vehicle and other charges. The female was arrested on suspicion of unauthorized use of a motor vehicle and driving under the influence. (What a story for the grandchildren!)
He’s not going in my patrol car. You can take him… A man was cruising around Sacramento County, California, on Memorial Day when he somehow lost control of his vehicle and crashed into a pond. The driver called 911 around 1:30 a.m. to report the incident and request assistance. When responding officers arrived on-scene, they found the man and his vehicle “well submerged” in the pond. He explained to the officers that he had spent about an hour trying to get his car unstuck before calling the police. What made the incident worthy of being included herein is the fact that the “pond” he was submerged in was a liquid manure storage pond at a dairy farm. The man was charged with DUI. So much for the “new car” smell! (He really got s–tfaced on that day.)
Hey, how about some toppings which taste like rubber bullets?… An ice cream shop in Hong Kong has been offering tear gas flavored ice cream in support of the region’s pro-democracy movement. The shop’s owner explained that he wanted “to make a flavor [which] reminds people that they still have to persist in the protest movement and don’t lose their passion.” “It tastes like tear gas,” said one customer. “It feels difficult to breathe at first and it’s really pungent and irritating. It makes me want to drink a lot of water immediately.” The owner tried several different combinations to achieve the flavor and found that black pepper came the closest. (It does wonders to clear out your sinuses.)
He’s like my best friend’s brother who ate a grasshopper for $3.00… A TikTok user told a local TV station that he was looking for his five minutes of fame when he jumped into a fish tank at Bass Pro Shops® in Bossier, Louisiana. “I said that, if I got 2,000 likes, I would jump in the tank,” he explained. “I got way more than that and didn’t want to be a liar.” A shopper in the store recorded video of the man swimming around in the tank before he climbed out and ran through the store soaking wet. “We heard a big splash and I thought it was one of the fish,” he said. Bass Pro Shops later filed a complaint with the Bossier City Police Department, noting that it had to empty the 13,000 gallon tank and clean it after the man’s swim. (How I wish there were electric eels in the tank.)
A local officer noticed a boar doing 67 mph and decided to investigate…
In Montepulciano, Italy, the police were aware of a gang which had been peddling cocaine in the area and even went so far as to wiretap their phones. However, the gang somehow became aware that something was up and decided to hide their stash. So, where did they hide their stash from the police? They decided to “head for the hills” and made a beeline for the countryside where they buried it in in a remote location. That seemed like a great idea so who could possibly find it? Unfortunately, they didn’t consider the pack of feral hogs which was roaming around the area. Police listening in to the wiretap heard them complaining that the hogs had dug up the coke stash and scattered it everywhere. Police closed in and arrested the gang. (I bet they were living high on the hog after finding that stash.)
Anyone who thinks Hot Pockets® are worth doing hard time for is bound to love prison food… Police responded to the report of a break-in at the local branch of the Wells Fargo bank in San Diego, California. Upon arrival, officers found a broken window near the drive-thru. They then entered the bank and looked around inside, where it appeared that everything seemed to be normal – until they walked into the break room. Inside, the officers found a man calmly enjoying a tasty meal of Hot Pockets. When questioned, he told the officers that he only broke into the bank so he could use the bank’s microwave oven. When asked whether or not he thought the Hot Pockets were worth it, he replied, “Hell, yeah!” Officers placed the man under arrest. (Every time I go into Wells Fargo, I leave with “Empty Pockets.”)
From Lamborghini to fettuccini in 20 minutes… An English police officer in West Yorkshire shared the thoughts of many after being dispatched to the scene of a wreck involving a $300,000 Lamborghini. “It’s only a car,” the officer tweeted, but he “could have cried.” The BBC reported that a Huracán Performante Spyder was wrecked on a highway 20 minutes after its new owner left the dealership when it broke down and was rear-ended by a van at high speed. The driver of the van suffered nonserious injuries in the crash. (Lamborghini for sale; gently used.)
BUSTED!
James L. McClinton, Ph.D.
So, how’d you two meet? Well, we just ran into each other on the street one day… After police received a report of a stolen Toyota® Land Cruiser, they quickly spotted the vehicle as it drove through downtown Newberg, Oregon. As the 27-year-old driver fled from police in the ensuing pursuit, speeding through the city streets, the Land Cruiser plowed into a Buick Regal which was being driven by a 25-year-old Newberg woman. Investigators quickly discovered that the Toyota Land Cruiser and the Buick Regal had both been stolen. The male driver was arrested on suspicion of unauthorized use of a motor vehicle and other charges. The female was arrested on suspicion of unauthorized use of a motor vehicle and driving under the influence. (What a story for the grandchildren!)
He’s not going in my patrol car. You can take him… A man was cruising around Sacramento County, California, on Memorial Day when he somehow lost control of his vehicle and crashed into a pond. The driver called 911 around 1:30 a.m. to report the incident and request assistance. When responding officers arrived on-scene, they found the man and his vehicle “well submerged” in the pond. He explained to the officers that he had spent about an hour trying to get his car unstuck before calling the police. What made the incident worthy of being included herein is the fact that the “pond” he was submerged in was a liquid manure storage pond at a dairy farm. The man was charged with DUI. So much for the “new car” smell! (He really got s–tfaced on that day.)
Hey, how about some toppings which taste like rubber bullets?… An ice cream shop in Hong Kong has been offering tear gas flavored ice cream in support of the region’s pro-democracy movement. The shop’s owner explained that he wanted “to make a flavor [which] reminds people that they still have to persist in the protest movement and don’t lose their passion.” “It tastes like tear gas,” said one customer. “It feels difficult to breathe at first and it’s really pungent and irritating. It makes me want to drink a lot of water immediately.” The owner tried several different combinations to achieve the flavor and found that black pepper came the closest. (It does wonders to clear out your sinuses.)
He’s like my best friend’s brother who ate a grasshopper for $3.00… A TikTok user told a local TV station that he was looking for his five minutes of fame when he jumped into a fish tank at Bass Pro Shops® in Bossier, Louisiana. “I said that, if I got 2,000 likes, I would jump in the tank,” he explained. “I got way more than that and didn’t want to be a liar.” A shopper in the store recorded video of the man swimming around in the tank before he climbed out and ran through the store soaking wet. “We heard a big splash and I thought it was one of the fish,” he said. Bass Pro Shops later filed a complaint with the Bossier City Police Department, noting that it had to empty the 13,000 gallon tank and clean it after the man’s swim. (How I wish there were electric eels in the tank.)
A local officer noticed a boar doing 67 mph and decided to investigate…
In Montepulciano, Italy, the police were aware of a gang which had been peddling cocaine in the area and even went so far as to wiretap their phones. However, the gang somehow became aware that something was up and decided to hide their stash. So, where did they hide their stash from the police? They decided to “head for the hills” and made a beeline for the countryside where they buried it in in a remote location. That seemed like a great idea so who could possibly find it? Unfortunately, they didn’t consider the pack of feral hogs which was roaming around the area. Police listening in to the wiretap heard them complaining that the hogs had dug up the coke stash and scattered it everywhere. Police closed in and arrested the gang. (I bet they were living high on the hog after finding that stash.)
Anyone who thinks Hot Pockets® are worth doing hard time for is bound to love prison food… Police responded to the report of a break-in at the local branch of the Wells Fargo bank in San Diego, California. Upon arrival, officers found a broken window near the drive-thru. They then entered the bank and looked around inside, where it appeared that everything seemed to be normal – until they walked into the break room. Inside, the officers found a man calmly enjoying a tasty meal of Hot Pockets. When questioned, he told the officers that he only broke into the bank so he could use the bank’s microwave oven. When asked whether or not he thought the Hot Pockets were worth it, he replied, “Hell, yeah!” Officers placed the man under arrest. (Every time I go into Wells Fargo, I leave with “Empty Pockets.”)
From Lamborghini to fettuccini in 20 minutes… An English police officer in West Yorkshire shared the thoughts of many after being dispatched to the scene of a wreck involving a $300,000 Lamborghini. “It’s only a car,” the officer tweeted, but he “could have cried.” The BBC reported that a Huracán Performante Spyder was wrecked on a highway 20 minutes after its new owner left the dealership when it broke down and was rear-ended by a van at high speed. The driver of the van suffered nonserious injuries in the crash. (Lamborghini for sale; gently used.)