Busted

James L. McClinton, Ph.D Almost as popular as “I’ve only had two beers”… In Ohio, the Montgomery County Sheriff’s Office issued a serious warning to residents: “Prior to wearing someone else’s pants,” it stated in a Public Service Announcement posted to Facebook, “please remove all drugs, drug paraphernalia, stolen property, or any other illegal items the ‘owner’ of the pants may have left behind.” That’s because, they continued, “ ‘these are not my pants’ is not an affirmative defense” to…

James L. McClinton, Ph.D. Maybe he should change his phone number to 867-5309… In California, a man came up with a brilliant idea to hide his car from license plate readers and ticketing systems: registering the vanity license plate “NULL.” He hoped his NULL license plates would make it impossible for cops to give him a ticket, since they wouldn’t be able to enter the ticket into their system. His plan worked all too well. It caused a citation processing…

James L. McClinton, Ph.D. “Dude, you can’t outrun the Batmobile”… A man in Burtonsville, Maryland, drives a highly recognized vehicle: a custom-built 1966 replica of the Batmobile, complete with rocket launchers, jet flames and a bat phone. When a hit-and-run driver smashed into his prized car on Route 28, he wasn’t about to let the driver make a getaway. “I don’t know what the guy was thinking,” he told a TV reporter. “He must have been going about 60…and just…

James L. McClinton, Ph.D Not quite Ocean’s Eleven material… Video captured three masked men as they tried to steal an ATM from a convenience store in Silver Spring, Maryland. They used their pickup to smash through the front windows of the store, exited the vehicle, and entered the store with a hand truck. The leader of the pack then punched one of his colleagues in the arm for failing to do his part. In the meantime, the getaway driver got…

James L. McClinton, Ph.D Road hog?… In Minnesota, a driver who was pulled over for having trouble staying in his lane turned out to be operating the vehicle with a 250 pound pig on his lap. He also had a smaller pig with him. The man’s erratic driving was apparently caused by the larger pig leaning against the steering wheel. A spokesman told reporters that the man had his pigs on his lap because he was moving to another part…

James L. McClinton, Ph.D I wonder if “foreign passports” are also required for residents of New England?… A District of Columbia Marriage Bureau clerk and her supervisor refused to accept a New Mexico man’s state driver’s license when he tried to obtain a marriage license because they both believed that New Mexico is a foreign country. After approaching the clerk for a license and showing his New Mexico ID, the clerk told him he needed an international passport to get…

James L. McClinton, Ph.D This qualifies them to be nominated for “Redneck of the Year” by the Rednecks of America… In Florida, a 32-year-old male and 20-year-old female were arrested after they were caught (allegedly) selling drugs out of a drive-thru window they constructed out of the side of their mobile home. Investigators raided their residence following reports of heroin sales in the area. The couple had turned a kitchen window into a drive-thru so customers would not have to…

James L. McClinton, Ph.D. Without stupidity, there is no intelligence… When the owner of a hardwood floors business in Grand Rapids, Michigan, arrived at work, he discovered that someone had broken into the store. Surveillance footage showed that around 2:00 a.m. the day before, a burglar had thrown a rock through his store window, apparently tempted by the “gold” bars stacked in the window. The not too bright thief failed to realize that the bars are promotional items made of…

James L. McClinton, Ph.D. So, where does a thief work after he gets “canned”?… The sheriff of Bay County, Florida, was on his way to lunch with his chief deputy and a major when they heard an emergency call broadcast: An armed robbery suspect was at a food store in Youngstown. The trio was closest, so they quickly responded. The suspect exited the store holding a hammer as if it was a gun, but retreated back into the store with…

James L. McClinton, Ph.D. That’s quite a “handgun” you’ve got there!… Sheriff’s deputies in Lee County, Florida, are investigating an attempted robbery of a Bonita Springs 7-Eleven store. According to police, a man entered the store with his face covered with a red shirt. The alleged robber demanded all of the cash in the register. He then brandished his weapon – his pointed finger. When the clerk refused the demand, the man ran out of the store and made his…