James L. McClinton, Ph.D.
Taking rush delivery to a whole new level… Recently released video of a traffic stop along Route 20 west of Fremont, Ohio, showed body cam footage from a Sandusky County deputy. He had just pulled over a USPS mail van for speeding, going more than 100 mph in a 60 mph zone. “Is there a reason you’re going over 100?” video showed the deputy asking the 28-year-old female driver, to which the driver replied, “I didn’t realize I was going that fast.” The official report stated that the driver appeared to be racing a Ford Mustang®. The postal worker identified herself as being from the Fremont Post Office. She waived the case which is now closed. A spokesperson for the USPS said the incident is being investigated. (One might say she went postal with that van.)
Time to call the “vise squad”… The Royal Canadian Mounted Police in Saskatchewan noticed a man driving erratically so they pulled him over. When the Mounties approached the man behind the wheel, they were shocked to discover that he wasn’t actually behind the wheel at all. How can that be? It turns out that the car had no steering wheel. Instead, the Mounties discovered that the vehicle had only a steering column with a couple of vise grips attached to it. The driver can be commended for his creativity. But, alas, the mechanized moron wasn’t quite so creative when it came to his driver’s license – in fact, he didn’t have one. The driver was busted and ordered to have the vehicle inspected for safety. (I wonder if he also used a doorbell in place of the ignition switch?)
That’s a hard act to swallow… A 38-year-old convict in a Karnataka, India, prison moved swiftly to hide the cell phone he smuggled in when guards raided his cell. But, instead of stashing the contraband in a pillowcase or toilet, the convicted murderer swallowed the phone. When he started complaining of stomach pain, he was transferred to Victoria Hospital in Bengaluru where doctors did an ultrasound. A few days later, he went under the knife to remove the phone which was stuck at the entrance of the small intestine. The phone had been inside the man for 20 days when it was removed; the prisoner recovered from the surgery and was returned to his cell. (I threw my phone off the roof and it broke. The airplane mode must’ve been switched off.)
Justice = Just Us… The Monroe County (New York) District Attorney explained she saw a Webster Police car behind her with his emergency lights turned on. Once she realized the officer wanted to pull her over, she says she called the Webster Police Chief to tell him she would speak to an officer at her house. The officer spoke with her at the home and issued her a ticket for going 55 mph in a 35 mph zone. She said, “Sorry, I’m the DA, I was going 55 coming home from work.” The officer replied, “55 in a 35.” The DA responded, “I don’t really care.” She then told the officer she did not hear his siren, having been talking on a hands-free phone, and didn’t pull over because “she didn’t feel like stopping.” She told the officer to go ahead and write a ticket “because I’m the one that’s going to prosecute myself.” The next day, she pleaded guilty and sent the ticket to Webster Town Court. (She sets a bad example for other speeders.)
Big wheels keep on rollin’… Investigators recently caught their targets in a puzzling moneymaking scheme in Rochelle Park, New Jersey. A police detective and his partner arrested two men, aged 77 and 54, whom they dubbed the “Shopping Cart Bandits.” The two had stolen at least 140 carts from the ShopRite grocery which police believe they were selling for about $200 wholesale. “It was about $28,000 worth of shopping carts,” he said. The Food Marketing Institute estimates that two million shopping carts are stolen each year. The two men are now on a roll at the Bergen County Jail. (Other than the homeless, who would want to buy one?)
Catching Bigfoot was no small “feet”… An elementary school in Henrietta Township, Ohio, was locked down after a Sasquatch was spotted running past classroom windows. The school superintendent said a person in a Bigfoot costume parked in one of the district’s lots, “crossed our campus and caused the district to enter into a lockdown.” Kids outside on recess were quickly moved indoors. Bigfoot never made it inside any of the buildings; the Lorain County Sheriff’s Office revealed the person in the costume was a parent pulling a prank. The parent was pulled over in a traffic stop, but no charges have been filed yet. (Many people think that the Abominable Snowman doesn’t exist, Yeti does.)
It was tough staying awake during his sermons… Police say a Connecticut pastor has been arrested on allegations that he sold crystal meth out of his church’s rectory. The pastor of a United Methodist Church in Woodbury was taken into custody after police received a tip about the drugs. He was charged with possession of narcotics with intent to sell, possession of a controlled substance and use of drug paraphernalia, among other charges. Police said they arrested the pastor at the site of a purported drug deal set up by a cooperating witness who had tipped them off. (Keeping the “meth” in Methodist)
A friend with weed is a friend indeed… Drug dealers normally don’t care to interact with police officers, but a 33-year-old man in Largo, Florida – where it is illegal to possess marijuana with intent to sell – actually called for police assistance. When officers arrived, the man “stated he was selling marijuana and someone stole $10 from him while (he was) attempting to sell it.” The police officers reportedly were inclined to believe the man’s story because he was holding 11 baggies of marijuana, totaling 40 grams. The caller, who has been convicted of marijuana, cocaine and battery counts in the last year, was charged with two drug felonies and booked into the county jail. The thief who stole his $10 apparently remains at large. (He angrily told the officers, “I’ll see you all inhale!”)
