James L. McClinton, Ph.D.
I’m glad the officer quickly worked out who was a good boy and who wasn’t… A Colorado man is in the doghouse for attempting to switch places with his pooch after he was pulled over on suspicion of drunken driving. The Springfield Police Department posted on social media that the suspect was pulled over after allegedly driving 52 mph in a 30 mph zone. Police stated, “The driver attempted to switch places with his dog who was in the passenger seat as the SPD officer approached and watched the entire process.” Police said the man showed signs of intoxication. When confronted by the officer, he attempted to flee. The suspect, who was certainly not a greyhound, was apprehended about 20 yards from his vehicle. The dog was not cited. (I bet that dog doesn’t even have a license!)
Was she interviewing for the DUI trainer position?… A 39-year-old Indiana woman was arrested for driving under the influence during an employment meeting with the Marshall County Sheriff’s Department. The Plymouth woman came in just before 9:00 a.m. for a scheduled meeting related to her inquiry into employment with the department. While speaking with her, a captain observed slurred speech along with an alcohol smell on her breath. She admitted to driving to the Sheriff’s Office and consuming alcohol that morning. A detective lieutenant then obtained a certified breath test which showed a result of .158, nearly twice the legal limit. She was taken to the Marshall County Jail for operating a vehicle while intoxicated and given a cash bond of $1500. (“Hey, aren’t you even going to check my references?”)
Order a hot dog and get a free coke!… As society continues to debate what are the best condiments for hot dogs (Relish? Mustard? Ketchup?), a 54-year-old employee at an Espanola, NM, restaurant customized a patron’s order slightly beyond what she wanted. As the female customer bit into her hot dog, she discovered a plastic bag filled with a white powdery substance. The woman notified the local police department who tested the powder and found it to be cocaine. It turns out that, as the employee was preparing her order, he allegedly dropped his stash; video surveillance showed that the man began to frantically search the area “as if he had lost something.” He later admitted to police that he had bought the dope from someone in the restaurant parking lot. (That’s one dog that will bite back.)
“This zone is for backhoe parking only”… Officials say a Southern Illinois man has been charged with theft for allegedly stealing a backhoe to drive about ten miles to an airport to catch a flight. The Williamson County Sheriff’s Office said security camera footage showed a Carbondale man arriving at Veterans Airport of Southern Illinois atop a backhoe and leaving it in the airport parking lot. Footage revealed the man walking across the street from the lot to the airport lobby carrying a guitar case. The owner of the backhoe arrived at the airport a short time later and identified the equipment as belonging to his company. The owner said the machine, typically used to move large debris, had been parked at a job site. (When apprehended, he was quoted as saying, “I was going to miss my flight; can you dig it?”)
“This is a stickup. Give me all of your cash and a motorized scooter.”… A 63-year-old woman who tried to rob a bank in New Orleans while clinging to her walker didn’t get far. “Your bank is being robbed; put money in bag or people are going to get hurt,” read a note which she allegedly passed to a teller at the bank. A security camera captured her waiting in line while gripping a four-wheeled walking aid. The teller complied and surrendered $500 to her, who didn’t make it far, the complaint states. A bank security officer escorted her back inside the branch where New Orleans Police Department officers soon arrested her. The woman appeared less mobile than in her last failed bank robbery attempt in 2014, when she offered a teller a note – “Put money in bag now!” – at another New Orleans bank. (That’s one way to get long-term care for free.)
Congratulations on your bouncing baby bag of cocaine… Two people were recently accused of trafficking more than 1,500 grams of cocaine through South Carolina after the drugs fell out of a fake pregnancy belly being worn by one of the alleged smugglers. The Anderson County Sheriff’s Office said deputies first pulled a man and woman over during a “proactive patrol” on Interstate 85. Police said suspicions arose when the officers asked about the apparent pregnant woman’s due date and the two suspects provided “conflicting information.” The woman realized the officers weren’t buying their story and immediately fled the vehicle. The drugs she was hiding inside her fake rubber stomach fell out when she sprinted away. Both individuals were arrested and are facing cocaine trafficking charges. (Making license plates may be the only labor she’s going to experience for a while.)