James L. McClinton, Ph.D.
This might make a real good “Mayhem” commercial… On a recent morning, Philadelphia police responded to an unusual incident on the Schuylkill River. An amorous couple parked in a vehicle on Kelly Drive had accidentally plunged into the river near the Columbia Bridge around 4:30 a.m. Police say a man and woman were engaging in sexual activity in the backseat when the woman accidentally disengaged the gear, causing the vehicle to roll right into the water. Fortunately, both the man and woman were able to escape safely with no injuries. The vehicle, believed to be a Land or Range Rover®, was pulled from the water around 9:00 a.m. (“And it’s a half past four and I’m shiftin’ gears…”)
She got the idea from a video she watched on Ewe Tube… A 42-year-old woman from St. Paul, Minnesota, was arrested for livestock theft. Officers were alerted to the woman when she and a man were seen walking a sheep and a dog on leashes. Bower told them that she purchased the sheep for $200, but her companion ratted her out: He confessed that she had stepped over a farm fence, put a leash on the sheep and pulled it out through an opening in the fence. When police checked with the farm owner, they found out that the woman had not paid for the animal, a breeding ram worth about $500. The woman’s tattoo might have given her away: Her face has a sheep inked on her left cheek. (Well, I guess all’s wool that ends wool.)
Well, there goes the neighborhood – literally… You can’t take it with you which means you should be very careful what you leave behind. A real estate agent in Salinas, California, got a real scare when, while preparing the home of a recently deceased man for an estate sale, they discovered a 2.5 foot long High Explosive Anti-Tank (H.E.A.T.) missile among the man’s belongings in a closet. As the neighborhood was evacuated to a radius of 500 feet by the Salinas police, a neighbor interacted with an officer on scene, “He showed me the X-ray of the missile which is really wild. He said, ‘See how it’s all dark? That means there’s a lot of stuff in it.’” The Monterey County Sheriff’s Explosive Ordinance Unit successfully removed the weapon from the residence without incident. (The poor guy might have been saving it for his next confrontation with the HOA.)
I wasn’t stealing it, I was just taking it out for a test drive… Police were dispatched to a local Target store in Flagler, Florida, after a manager said a man had walked out of the store without paying for a $539 electric scooter. Logic would compel most normal thieves who had just shoplifted an expensive scooter to resort to one of several different techniques to flee the crime scene. However, as a deputy approached the suspect, he was still working to assemble the scooter in front of the Target in plain view. Law enforcement officers showed him another means of mobility – a ride to the local jail in a police car. (He probably also picked up a few tools from the hardware section to move things along.)
Not smarter than the average bear… Four people in Lake Arrow, California, were arrested and accused of insurance fraud after they claimed their car was trashed by a bear – which was actually someone in a bear costume. The alleged bear was claimed to have entered and damaged a 2010 Rolls-Royce Ghost while it was parked in the San Bernardino Mountains northeast of Los Angeles. Video was submitted to the insurance company which alleged to show the animal entering the car. State insurance officials stated, “Upon further scrutiny of the video, the investigation determined the bear was actually a person in a bear costume.” The bear costume, with brown fur, a head shaped like a bear, paws and metal hand tools to help simulate claw marks, was found in the suspects’ home. Video of the alleged damage showed what appeared to be minor groove marks on seats and in the interior which were intended to pass for claw marks. Investigators also showed the videos to a biologist who “surmised it was clearly a human in a bear suit,” the insurance department said. (“Only YOU can prevent insurance fraud.”)
Well, the sign shouldn’t have said, “FINE FOR PARKING”… The mystery of an SUV seen perched on top of a Florida dumpster was revealed to have involved a poorly timed parking job, a construction site and a forklift. A Florida man said he was on his way to the store when he spotted the vehicle parked on top of a dumpster in Fort Myers. “I had to do a double take. I texted my buddy. I’m like, ‘Is that fair game? Is that free?’ It’s in the dumpster,” he told a local TV station. It turned out that the SUV had been moved onto the dumpster by a forklift operated by a construction worker helping to build a new apartment complex. Workers said the vehicle had been left parked in a work area. “Sometimes when you park where you’re not supposed to, this is what happens,” a construction worker said. The vehicle was later removed from the dumpster and relocated to a parking space away from the area. (Park around and find out!)
How do you say “I’ve just come from Costco” in Spanish?… US Customs and Border Protection shuts down smuggling attempts on a daily basis, but its officers were surprised by a recent attempt to smuggle contraband in Presidio, Texas. While inspecting a vehicle being driven into the US, CBP personnel discovered 748 pounds of Mexican bologna. Forty rolls of the deli meat were hidden in a number of suitcases throughout the vehicle. The CBP Presidio Port Director said that “the concern with pork products is that they have the potential to introduce foreign animal diseases that can have devastating effects to the US economy and to our agriculture industry.” (Did the bologna have a first name?)
