Busted! Real Stories of Genuine Absurdity May/June 2022

A goat looking straight into the camera.


Who needs K-9s?… Thanks to the services of a local goat, the Henry County (Virginia) Sheriff’s Office got their man. A captain with the Henry County Sheriff’s Office said it was a goat who helped two deputies flush out the person they were chasing. One deputy was investigating a domestic assault in the Fieldale area. When the deputy explained to the suspect that he was under arrest, the suspect fled on foot. The deputy chased the fleeing person through a fence line and across a field. A goat from the property joined the deputy in the chase. When he and the goat reached the next fence line of the field, the goat continued through the fence in front of the deputy and entered a wooded area. The goat took over the lead in the chase and, together with another deputy, flushed the man out of the woods. The suspect was then taken into custody.

(Ba-a-a-a-ack the Blue?)

He “can’t get no satisfaction!”… Police officers were dispatched to a disturbance in Naples, Florida, where a 59-year-old man was claiming to be Mick Jagger. The impersonator reportedly jumped on stage at a restaurant where a live performance was going on and declared himself to be the Rolling Stones lead singer. He became belligerent when the patrons didn’t appreciate his performance and had left by the time the officers arrived. They found him in a nearby park where he charged an officer before falling to the ground in a “drunk unstable state.” The phony was charged with battery on a law enforcement officer and disorderly intoxication. (Detention officers were quick to tell “Jumpin’ Jack Flash, let’s spend the night together!”)

A tragic case of IDD (Intelligence Deficit Disorder)… I think most would agree that it’s never a good idea to take counterfeit money to the police station, especially if you plan to use it for bail. Still, a couple of geniuses recently went down to the Androscoggin County Jail in Maine, planning to bail out a friend. But, when they presented the cash to jail officials, it was immediately obvious that their bail money was counterfeit. This, of course, resulted in a search of their vehicle which turned up 112 grams of crack cocaine, 165 grams of cocaine, nearly 300 grams of fentanyl, 492 grams of meth, and a 9mm pistol. The nitwits were busted and charged with four counts of Aggravated Trafficking of Scheduled Drugs (Class A) and Violation of Conditional Release (Class E). Oh, and by the way, their friend remained in jail. (Next time, pay it in Bitcoin!)

Charged with dangerous operation of a motor vehicle? What about excessive littering?… A woman in Manotick, Ontario, Canada, spotted a frozen river and considered it the perfect opportunity for taking her car for a spin on the icy surface. Several videos emerged showing her speeding on the frozen waterway, sending plumes of snow and ice into the air. But, alas, she hit a spot of thin ice and the car began to slowly sink into the cold water of the river. While any normal person would frantically try to get out of the car and make it to land, she instead climbed onto the back of the car and took several selfies of herself as the vehicle slowly sank. She was eventually pulled to dry land by bystanders who tossed her a flotation device. Police charged her with dangerous operation of a motor vehicle. (I wonder how she planned to post photos from her waterlogged cell phone.)

This little beauty comes equipped with factory air, an HD music system and a trunk monkey… A woman in British Columbia was shocked when she discovered a naked stranger had been living in the trunk of her car. The Nanaimo resident noticed some mud in the front seat of her car earlier that week. She deduced someone had broken in and spent the night in her vehicle so she cleaned and steamed the upholstery and moved on. However, three days later, she noticed the windows of her car were fogged up. Then, when she was inside the car, she heard a voice say “Hey.” That’s when she discovered the naked man in her trunk and quickly realized something was amiss. She said she’s been driving around with him, running errands and going to work. She called the police right away. RCMP officers responded and said the man has “significant health issues.” (Used car for sale – cheap.)

He should have purchased “Get Out of Jail Free” cards from Amazon as well… In Tempe, Arizona, an employee of The Home Depot is facing a federal charge after authorities said he repeatedly took cash from the store and replaced it with counterfeit currency before depositing it in the bank. A US Secret Service news release said agents from the Phoenix field office arrested the employee at the store. He was responsible for counting cash and preparing it for deposit. He is accused of ordering counterfeit (prop) bills from Amazon, swapping them with money taken from store cash registers and sealing them in bags for transfer to the bank. (And, you thought that putting a slug into a gumball machine was bad…)

Their purses didn’t match their shoes… Three Nigerian men were arrested after it was discovered that they were impersonating Arab women. They were allegedly caught by UAE officials who managed to discover that they were indeed not who they claimed to be. It is alleged that the three men went to Dubai in hopes of making a better life for themselves after hearing how the United Arab Emirates was a thriving nation. The men are not expected to get off lightly, as the UAE laws are known to be very strict on criminal activity. (Then, there was the sudden urge to go shopping and watch the Hallmark Channel.)