James L. McClinton, Ph.D.
“Umm, it’s not mine. It’s his!”… Police in Springfield Township, Ohio, recently had an interesting experience during a traffic stop. Officers crossed paths with a “bandit” holding a meth pipe in its mouth during an arrest. The miscreant was not arrested because he is a raccoon. Officers had pulled over a vehicle whose owner had an active warrant and a suspended driver’s license. The driver, a 55-year-old Akron woman, was detained. But, when an officer walked back to her vehicle, a raccoon named “Chewy” was sitting in the driver’s seat with a meth pipe in its mouth. “Chewy had somehow gotten hold of a glass methamphetamine pipe, leading officers to further inspect the vehicle.” A vehicle search revealed crack cocaine, meth and three used glass meth pipes. Police posted, “Thankfully, Chewy the raccoon was unharmed, and notification was made to determine that she has the proper paperwork and documentation to own the raccoon.” The woman is facing several drug charges and was cited for driving under suspension. Police reported that “no raccoons were hurt or injured in this incident.” (Chewy needs rescuing…)
“He ran into some resistance…about 30 feet tall and made of pressure-treated wood.” … The Hernando County (Florida) Sheriff’s Office pulled over a car for a routine traffic stop. When deputies approached the car, they noticed “a rolled cigar containing a green leafy substance which they identified as marijuana.” They pulled out the driver and a passenger while they searched the car more thoroughly, finding other alleged drugs and paraphernalia. Deputies said that, when they turned to arrest the 39-year-old driver, he took off running, but was immediately apprehended – thanks to the utility pole which he slammed into at full speed. The man and his 36-year-old passenger were arrested and charged with multiple drug offenses. (Marijuana may impair memory – like remembering how solid wood works.)
Resistance is futile… A 76-year-old retiree from Huntington, New York, is stuck in a strange Star Trek themed nightmare. Though she stopped driving in 2020 and surrendered her vanity plate honoring the fictional USS Enterprise (NCC-1701), she’s still getting traffic tickets from around the US – including for speeding, red light violations and even a robbery in Ohio. The issue? Star Trek novelty license plates like hers sell online for around $15 and people use them illegally. Her name remains tied to the plate in New York’s DMV system, racking up tens of thousands in fines she can’t afford. The DMV acknowledges the problem, but calls it a law enforcement issue. Said the woman, “I’ve run out of ink. I’ve run out of stamps,” as she continues to fight tickets for a car she no longer owns. (Bureaucracy – the final frontier)
His love handles moving in the Customs line gave him away… Customs officials at the Lima, Peru, airport spotted something unusual about a 28-year-old man boarding a flight. The passenger, a citizen of South Korea, was returning home, but he was of interest because of his extremely swollen stomach. When directed to lift his shirt, officials spotted a creepy, crawly cargo: 320 tarantulas, 110 centipedes and nine bullet ants. Each bug had its own plastic bag, all of which were attached to two girdles wrapped around the man’s body. The 35 adult tarantulas were each about the size of a human hand. All of the bugs are native to the Amazon region of Peru and the discovery was part of the illegal wildlife trafficking worth millions of dollars. The man was arrested with charges pending. (Perhaps this was just a diversion so that the cocaine smuggler could make it through.)
Because of her temper tantrum, they cantaloupe… A 51-year-old Florida woman has been charged with domestic battery for allegedly throwing a watermelon at her boyfriend. During a “verbal confrontation,” the woman allegedly “picked up a whole watermelon and threw it in the direction of the victim,” police say. The 56-year-old man told police she threw the watermelon “only out of frustration,” but she denied tossing it in her beau’s direction. Upon arrival at the motel where they were residing, police noticed “there were watermelon seeds…on the victim’s face and clothing.” The ferocious female was arrested for domestic battery, a misdemeanor. After spending a night in jail, she was released from custody on her own recognizance. A judge has directed the woman, who has pleaded not guilty, to have no contact with the victim. (I’m sure they’re both feeling a little melon-choly now.)
That’s one way to get a seat to fully recline… A traveler who was flying aboard a United Airlines plane from Austin, Texas, to Los Angeles suddenly lost his composure and started beating up…his seat. The passenger, dressed in sweats, stood on his seat and repeatedly kicked its backrest as bystanders watched and took video. “The flight attendant walked by a couple times. Nobody was doing anything,” said a rather dismayed witness. He and other passengers decided to take matters into their own hands by zip-tying the irate passenger’s hands and feet and strapping him into a seat. About an hour later, as the flight landed, law enforcement met them at the gate. United Airlines said the perturbed passenger has been banned from future flights. (The airlines need to consider putting limits on how much coffee they serve passengers.)