James L. McClinton
A real Cokehead… Colombian police arrested a 40-year-old man attempting to smuggle cocaine under a carefully attached toupée. He was detained at Cartagena’s airport before boarding a flight to Amsterdam. A scanner revealed 220 grams of cocaine hidden beneath his “narco wig,” with an estimated street value of 10,000 euros. A police video showed an officer removing the wig, uncovering about a dozen drug packets. Authorities confirmed the suspect had two prior drug trafficking convictions. (Cut and blow dry taken to the next level…)
It was no laughing matter… Two men (ages 35 and 28) from Ohio and Arizona were arrested after Metro Nashville Police Department (MNPD) officers found 46 cans of nitrous oxide in their vehicle. The investigation began when officers discovered a downtown flyer advertising free nitrous oxide delivery. MNPD units set up an online deal, leading to the men’s arrest in downtown Nashville. Police seized over 51,000 grams of nitrous oxide, drug paraphernalia, marijuana, and cash. Both were charged with felony sale or delivery of inhalants and misdemeanor drug paraphernalia, with one also facing a misdemeanor drug possession charge. (Nashville’s newest DoorDash®!)
Your “Magic Mike” audition failed… It was a routine day at Indianapolis International Airport until a man at the TSA checkpoint triggered an alarm requiring further screening. When the officer began a pat-down, the man called him a “freak” four times. Then, things got even stranger. Asked to remove his belt, he broke into an impromptu striptease, squatting and shaking his butt at security staff. Police were summoned and, upon their arrival, the man asked, “What do you want to see?” before dropping his pants and underwear, exposing himself to everyone in the airport. As a final insult, he shoved his underwear in the TSA officer’s face before tossing it toward police. His free strip show ended with an arrest and, given his prior criminal history, he was sentenced to 33 months in jail. (Some folks are just “plane idiots.”)
I see why he broke up with her!… If you plan to vandalize your ex’s car, it’s wise to know the make and model first. An 18-year-old woman in Deltona, Florida, learned this the hard way when she mistakenly trashed the wrong vehicle with eggs and yellow paint. By the time police responded to a 911 call about a “young woman spray painting a vehicle,” she had caused $5,000 in damages, scrawling her ex’s name and “Devil” on an innocent coupe. Assisted by a 16-year-old friend, she admitted she was furious over a $700 debt. She was charged with criminal mischief (a felony due to the damage), contributing to the delinquency of a minor, illegal alcohol possession, and DUI. Her underage accomplice – found covered in yellow paint – was cited for marijuana possession. (Doesn’t she know the price of eggs these days?)
Would you trust these people around your car?… A Michigan judge is replacing stolen goods with sponges by ordering shoplifters to wash cars in a Walmart parking lot this spring. He hopes the unique community service deters theft and benefits shoppers who face higher prices or store closures due to crime. The free car washes are part of his “Walmart wash” sentences for misdemeanor shoplifting at a Grand Blanc Township store near Detroit. Walmart supports the initiative, providing water and supplies. Shocked by widespread retail theft, the judge noted 48 such cases in one day. Believing public scrubbing will be humiliating, he plans to join offenders in washing cars. (Attention shoppers: Today’s blue light special is…)
So, drug dealers have elephants as clients these days?… A 29-year-old Utah man faces federal charges for allegedly attempting to obtain carfentanil, a drug used to tranquilize elephants. According to the DEA, carfentanil is 10,000 times stronger than morphine and 100 times more potent than fentanyl, posing a serious threat as its availability increases. The DEA has reportedly identified carfentanil as “crazy dangerous.” The Provo suspect allegedly tried to acquire about 20 grams of the drug in a package intercepted by US Customs at the Los Angeles International Airport. He had signed up for tracking updates on the shipment. Prosecutors claim he documented criminal activity in a notebook, including drug purchases, prices and tracking numbers related to carfentanil. He has been charged in a Utah federal court with attempted possession with intent to distribute. (I guess that he made a “jumbo-sized mistake.”)
Wait until his cousin C-3PO hears about this… Employees at a California Pho restaurant (Vietnamese cuisine) stopped a would-be thief from stealing their $18,000 robot server/coworker as he awkwardly struggled to load it into his car. The man had entered the restaurant 20 minutes before opening, asking to use the restroom. Instead, he doubled back, attempted to lift one of the three mechanical robot servers and waddled outside under its weight. An employee tried to intervene as he dragged the bot to his car and heaved it into the trunk. Just ten seconds later, other employees emerged, wrestled the robot away and called the police. The $18,000 robot, requiring specialized programming, would have been useless to the thief. (“The Great Pho-bot Heist”)
A dumb crook should never try to steal a smart car… A man in Los Angeles apparently didn’t realize that you can’t carjack a driverless vehicle. The city has several autonomous Waymo robotaxis roaming the streets and this would-be carjacker hopped into one, attempting to take control. However, remote technicians immediately disabled the car, leaving him stuck and confused. Whether he was plotting a high-tech assault on the system or simply lost in thought, he remained inside until police arrived in riot gear. He was then removed and arrested. (It’s a SELF-DRIVING vehicle, not a thief-driving vehicle.)
