BUSTED! – Real Stories of Genuine Absurdity May/June 2018

James L. McClinton, Ph.D.

He’s an intense man with a busy schedule… Police officers were working a crash in midtown Gainesville, Florida, when a man pulled up and started honking his horn. His honking was not a gentle tap of the horn button, but a rather excessive use of the device. When police approached his vehicle, they immediately noticed the smell of marijuana wafting from the opened car window. Inside the car, they found a handgun, a loaded magazine and ten thousand dollars in cash. Further investigation revealed several other weapons, five mason jars full of marijuana, a hundred grams of cocaine, and a baseball bat. (He’s no longer “tooting his own horn”!)

It’s always nice when private citizens are able to successfully interact with the local police… A New York woman who was scheduled to appear in court on a marijuana possession charge did everything possible to get herself in deeper trouble. First, she cut off an unmarked police car when she pulled into the parking lot while talking on her cell phone. She then pulled into a parking space clearly labeled as reserved for the Chief of Police. Finally, when she rolled down her window to talk to approaching police officers, marijuana smoke billowed out of the car. She was subsequently charged with a new marijuana possession charge, as well as a charge of illegally using a cell phone while driving. (Officers were initially hindered by their own uncontrollable laughter.)

Talk about self-awareness!… Police were dispatched to a car wash in Bellevue, Washington, on a report of a road rage incident – apparently a minor rear-end crash between two cars. When the owner of one got out of his car to take pictures, the driver in the other car pointed a gun at him and then threatened him. When the officers arrived, they had to pull the agitated man out of his car and one officer was punched in the process. Our rowdy friend then threatened to kill the officer. That proved to be a pretty stupid move on his part. The troublemaker was tased and arrested. Not surprisingly, this gentleman’s vanity license plate offered up an accurate description: “Dirt Bag.” (I guess “Dumbass” wasn’t available.)

Because drones are so much less noticeable to neighbors than walking up to the door… A California couple faces felony charges after they allegedly used a drone to deliver illegal drugs. The couple, ages 39 and 31, were charged with three counts of possession of controlled substances for sale and possession of drug paraphernalia. The Riverside Police Department said they “observed a drone leave the rear yard” of the couple’s residence and then fly to a nearby parking lot where it “dropped a small package of narcotics which was recovered by awaiting customers.” Police then searched the couple’s home and found methamphetamine, LSD and “unpackaged powders believed to contain fentanyl.” (Even worse, I hope that they registered their drone with the FAA. Big trouble! )

Someone’s “stash hat” needs a little more refinement… A man was summoned to appear before a judge in Eagle, Colorado, for violating the terms of his parole by means of a drug charge. As he approached the judge, he respectfully removed his hat. That would have been considered a wise move, had it not been for the fact that a wad of paper filled with cocaine fell to the floor. Deputies reviewed surveillance video which quickly affirmed that the coke did indeed fall from this loser’s cap. He was charged with narcotics possession. (I’ve never heard it said that drugs make you smarter.)

That explains what the judge meant when he declared, “Odor in the court!”… Connecticut court officials are investigating the discovery of two decapitated chickens inside a courtroom. Judicial marshals and maintenance staff investigating a putrid smell made the grisly discovery in the public seating area of a courtroom in a state courthouse in Bridgeport. The headless chickens were under a bench. Authorities say the carcasses were decorated in silver, green and gold glitter. Decapitated chickens have reportedly been found outside city courthouses before, but never inside. The placement of decapitated chickens is used in Santeria, an Afro-Caribbean religion, to protect a person from being found guilty of a crime. (It looks like “fowl” play was involved.)

It looks like this case has gone “up in smoke”… Because authorities in Britain were thrilled over a massive haul of illegal tobacco products they had confiscated, they produced a YouTube video to show it off. But, it seems the video was a little too detailed – it gave crooks the exact location where the 70,000 counterfeit cigarettes were stored. And, in the middle of the night, they cut a three foot by two foot hole in the container and made off with the entire haul. At this time, law enforcement authorities have no leads in the case. (And, now they’re the “butt” of a lot of jokes.)