The human race seems obsessed with finding intelligent life on other worlds. But, all of the evidence indicates that we need to focus our search here on planet Earth. Read the following true accounts and see if you agree.
This isn’t so much funny as it is infuriating… The principal of Entz Elementary School in Mesa, Arizona, asked a parent not to pick up his child at the school while wearing his work clothes. It seems the other parents were getting upset that a “man with a gun” was coming to campus – the “man” is an officer for the Coolidge Police Department. Officials decided to ask the officer to stop doing that and the officer’s response was understandable, “Are you freaking kidding me?” A spokeswoman for the Mesa Unified School District thought the officer “took the discussion the wrong way, perhaps,” and school officials decided to turn the incident into a “teachable moment” by inviting him to come to the school to tell the kids about what police officers do for the community. (They want to turn the incident into a “teachable moment”? It seems to me the only ones who need to learn anything here are the school officials – not the kids!)
What did the horse order?… In Whitefield, England, a woman rode her horse up to the drive-thru lane at the local McDonalds®. The clerk told her that company policy would not allow the restaurant to serve her on horseback. So, she did what any creative moron would do – she left the drive-thru lane and took the horse in through the front door of the restaurant. The horse seemed to have his own opinion on the matter and expressed it by doing his business on the floor. Police charged the woman with causing alarm and distress. Sources didn’t know if she ever received her burger and fries. (You mean to tell me that McDonalds has a policy in place which addresses customers on horseback?)
Clearly, there was more water between the driver’s ears than in the pool!… German police were left speechless after they stopped a group of revelers cruising around town in a unique swimming pool car. The water wagon was spotted speeding along Eibenstock near Chemnitz, by a lone police sergeant on a motorcycle. “I saw the strangest looking convertible I have ever seen – a roofless BMW, without registration plates, bordered around the open top with wooden boards and fake plastic flowers. It was also full of water,” he later said. There was a 27-year-old driver and three young males clad only in swimming trunks – one of whom was lolling on the boat with his feet dangling down into the vehicle. “All of them appeared drunk,” the police said. The sergeant ended up chasing the BMW as it sped off into a parking lot – losing much of its liquid load as it went. The young men sloshed to a halt and jumped out, fleeing across a nearby dry riverbed. There, they hid as police swarmed around the vehicle. (Now that the definition of “car pool” has changed, it’s time to rewrite the dictionary!)
“Friends, idiots, countrymen, lend me your ears!”… In 1998, Britain convicted its first burglar based on a suspect’s ear print. Inspired by the effectiveness of this innovative crime fighting technique, the French were recently successful in using it to help them solve an ongoing investigation. As a result, investigators in Lyon, France, tied a 26-year-old man from the Republic of Georgia to a string of about 80 burglaries. Police took prints from doors the man had leaned against while listening for activity inside the home before breaking in and they all matched the suspect’s ear. (And, so it was “ear today, gone tomorrow!”)
I’m surprised that this idiot didn’t call the sheriff’s office to see if being named “Fugitive of the Day” included free movie tickets!… A 23-year-old man was recently named the “Fugitive of the Day” by the Pasco County, Florida, Sheriff’s Office. The honor was bestowed upon him because of a warrant for his arrest which alleged he had robbed a friend. Deputies posted his mug shot on the sheriff’s Facebook page and found one of the comments on the photo quite interesting. “Pasco County has nothing but fools investigating crimes for them – that’s why these mix-ups happen,” the fugitive had commented below his mug shot. He further wrote that, “I swear on everything I own [that] Pasco County WILL be held responsible for this” because he claimed that he was in the hospital at the time of the robbery and, thus, could not have committed the crime. Facebook automatically shared the post with the man’s “friends,” who started commenting on where he was hiding and making fun of his photo. The fugitive was arrested at a relative’s home. (He swore vengeance by “everything he owned,” but since he lived in a relative’s house, his possessions apparently consisted of nothing more than the money he allegedly “robbed from a friend.”)
There’s a better way to catch the thief – all he has to do is spike his Jell-O® with a heavy dose of laxatives!… A man in southeastern Pennsylvania decided to take action after his lunch disappeared from the office refrigerator – he called the police and reported it. Police in Upper Macungie Township were dispatched after an employee at the Wakefern Food Corporation reported that “an unknown person stole his Jell-O brand strawberry Jell-O snack from the break room refrigerator.” Police say the 39-year-old victim was angry because this wasn’t the first time someone had stolen his food. So far, police say, the thief hasn’t been caught. Police said in a news release that the case remains under investigation. (Any town where the police are willing to devote time and resources to solving crimes involving Jell-O snacks from office break rooms is a town where I want to retire!)
“Well, Your Honor, the way I see it is ‘it’s my way or the highway!’ ”… A thief in Syktyvkar, Russia, recently tried to pull off a heist, but the object he coveted was a little unusual. The thief attempted to steal – a road. Yep, you read correctly – he attempted to steal 82 segments of reinforced concrete which made up a roadway just outside the city. If you’re wondering how anyone could steal a roadway, here’s how he did it: The thief used heavy machinery to load it onto three large trucks and haul it away to his residence. But, his plan was doomed to fail. Just as he and his convoy of road stealing trucks pulled onto the highway, they were spotted by the police. Since they didn’t have a permit for hauling a roadway, they were hauled off to jail. (A country where stolen roads are a hot item on the black market is a country which has some serious economic issues!)