In Search of Intelligent Life  

The human race seems obsessed with finding intelligent life on other worlds. But, all of the evidence indicates that we need to focus our search here on planet Earth. Read the following true accounts and see if you agree.

James L. McClinton, Ph.D.

I guest she thought her mug shot was gonna to be taken by Olan Mills… In Columbus, Ohio, local police established “Warrant Wednesday” online. Each week, they post mug shots on Facebook of crooks they are looking for. Recently, they posted a picture of a 34-year-old woman, along with details of a robbery and kidnapping she was alleged to have taken part in. In less than 48 hours, she reached out to the police, calling to say that the mug shot was unflattering and demanded that they take it down. The detective said, “Sure, come on in and we’ll talk about it.” When the woman showed up at the station house, she was placed under arrest. It’s not known if she was pleased with her new mug shot. (We have some bracelets which will really bring out the color of your eyes!)

You could say she went to jail for love… Authorities in Kentucky said a woman arrested on methamphetamine charges was wearing an “I [heart] Crystal Meth” T-shirt at the time of her arrest. The Laurel County Sheriff’s Office said the 37-year-old woman was wearing the T-shirt when she was arrested alongside a 57-year-old man, as part of a drug investigation. Police said the suspects were in possession of 3.37 grams of crystal meth, as well as a set of digital scales. (“Always dress for success!”)

He was arrested for TWS (Texting While Stupid)… A New York state man was sentenced to two years in jail after accidentally texting his probation officer a message that he was seeking marijuana. Prosecutors said the Albany man sent his probation officer a text message reading, “You have some weed?” Authorities responded by raiding the man’s home and seizing a bag of cocaine. The accused pleaded guilty to cocaine possession and was sentenced to one year in prison. (He should be a poster boy for not legalizing marijuana.)

“Felony,” a new fragrance for men… Officers in western Oregon say a suspect they tried to collar at a traffic stop drove too fast for pursuing officers. The driver gave officers in Linn County the slip in a high-speed chase before dawn, doing better than 100 mph in a red Honda Prelude. But, Lebanon police later saw the car parked and launched a search by foot. That’s when officers caught a “strong scent of cologne” in the darkness and soon found their suspect hiding in shrubbery. Officers said he told them he regretted using the cologne. (The Fast and the Fragrant!)

Seriously, they wanted to burglarize the Dollar Store?… Two men ran out the door of a Houston Family Dollar store after a failed theft attempt. According to the surveillance video, one man had removed items from a bottom shelf while the store was still open and crawled behind the shelf space just before his partner came by and restocked the shelf (thus, hiding his buddy). After the last employee had closed up around 11:00 p.m., the “hidden” (and extremely patient) man crawled out, surely intending to let his partner in so he could start snatching things. Unfortunately, the “hidden” man was only able to take a few steps before a motion detector sounded an alarm and both men fled on foot. (At the very least, hide out at the Five Below store.)

The twinkle in this crook’s eyes was just the sun shining between his ears!… A 24-year-old man and a buddy were charged with robbing five sunbathers in Dania Beach, Florida, at gunpoint. Police quickly picked up the two suspects based on a lookout for the only man around with the word “Misunderstood” tattooed in large letters across his forehead as the alleged crook had. (“Don’t get me wrong, Judge, I was just borrowing the money and planned to give it back!”)

The dog knew how to fetch a bone – fetching a bonehead was just as easy… Police in central Alabama say a man’s own dog helped officers bust him on a drug charge. A Prattville Police spokeswoman said the pooch named Bo followed his fleeing master who was being pursued by officers. The chase began when two drug officers arrived with a search warrant and the suspect took off running. After an investigator pointed at him and told the dog, “Go get him,” that’s what Bo did. (Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? You’re a good boy!)