The human race seems obsessed with finding intelligent life on other worlds. But, all of the evidence indicates that we need to focus our search here on planet Earth. Read the following true accounts and see if you agree.

James L. McClinton, Ph.D.

This story is unbeweavable!… In Raleigh, North Carolina, police officers were dispatched to a downtown nightclub on a report of a disturbance and a woman was taken into custody. Before being booked, she asked to go to the bathroom and, when she returned, one of the deputies noticed something strange about the way she was walking – her head seemed to be leaning to one side. Upon further investigation, police discovered that she had concealed a handgun in her hair weave. Things went downhill for her after that and she was charged with possession of a stolen firearm and resisting arrest. (She had a concealed carry permanent.)

You’d think deputies in a town called “Fruitvale” would recognize a banana gun when they saw one!… A man is facing a felony menacing charge after two western Colorado Sheriff’s deputies say he pointed a banana at them. The 27-year-old Fruitvale man was arrested because the incident caused two Mesa County deputies to fear for their lives – even though they saw that the object was yellow. One deputy wrote in the affidavit that he has seen handguns in many shapes and colors and that he was drawing his service weapon when the suspect yelled, “It’s a banana!” The suspect told them he was doing a trial run for a planned YouTube video and he thought it would “lighten the holiday spirit.” (Did the officers read him his Carmen Miranda rights?)

What about his partners, Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe?… A Kansas lawyer was recently disbarred for his comically bad defense of a double murder suspect in 2005. He had admitted to the jury that his client was a “shooter of people” (a previous manslaughter conviction) who, as an “experienced” criminal, would never have left that third victim alive with multiple gunshot wounds. The confident lawyer had virtually invited the jury to execute “whomever” the killer was. At a recent hearing to keep his license, he dressed as Thomas Jefferson, banging the lectern and shouting (as reverse psychology), “I am incompetent!” The defendant told reporters that his lawyer is “a good dude, [but] just in over his head.” (Even if they drained the pool, he’d still be in “over his head”!)

Was it that he was delivering mail 24/7 which tipped them off??… A Texas mail carrier is facing felony charges on allegations that he sold meth out of his U.S. Postal Service truck while on duty. Authorities said the suspect, a 20 year veteran of the Postal Service, was found to be dealing methamphetamine out of his home and out of his Postal Service truck while delivering mail in nearby Waco. Police seized $17,000 worth of meth from his home during a raid. The man was charged with possession of a controlled substance over four ounces in a drug-free zone. The McLennan County Sheriff said the man’s home in Lorena is located near both Lorena Middle School and Lorena Elementary School. (The worst case of junk mail delivery – ever!)

His new shirt is also cutesy and clever – it says, “PASCO COUNTY DETENTION CENTER”… A man wearing a T-shirt with the words, “I have drugs,” written across the front was arrested for possession of methamphetamine. A deputy spotted him wearing the garment at a Kmart® store in Hudson, Florida. The black shirt with white letters read, “Who needs drugs? No, seriously, I have drugs.” According to an arrest report, the man attempted to hand a bag of drugs to someone behind him in line after making eye contact with the deputy. He then dropped the baggy to the floor as another deputy approached. The 50-year-old was taken into custody after the deputies found marijuana and methamphetamine in the bag. (Here’s an idea: His attorney
can wear a T-shirt in court with the words, “I’M WITH STUPID.”)